I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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