I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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