a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
