you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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