She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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