New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
