Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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