also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
