I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
