A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
