Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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