I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How does one acquire holy water?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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