She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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