Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
