He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
