so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
my liver is dry heaving
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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