Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Fuck appropriateness.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
