If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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