he wants to bone in the snuggie
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
