would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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