drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
