he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
