A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
