how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
