The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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