loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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