I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
