Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
