Kiss
Puke
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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