i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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