I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
