Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
