I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
