Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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