Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Every concussion has its silver lining
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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