when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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