I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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