Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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