What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
