my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
