Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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