I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
