WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
