this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
