you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
