Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
