i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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