I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
