We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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