I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
