Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
