you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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