Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
