Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
