god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
try to milk me bitch
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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