In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
