I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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