So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
