I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
