I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
