i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
