so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
