I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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