Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
