I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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