I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize